Are You a Bitch or a Badass?

I could not resist marketing’s velvety, swanky allure on Facebook last night. Are you a bitch or a badass? What do you want to be called?

I could not resist marketing’s velvety, swanky allure on Facebook last night.

A friend’s Facebook post grabbed my attention as if I’d been a single, celibate woman for 26 months and just sat next to a man at a party who is talking me up and… is handsome, funny, has dark eyebrows, a big smile, shoulders in shape and held back in confidence, and does not display an ounce of fear of me.

Well, hopefully you get the idea. Back to the bitch thing.

It was one of those Facebook surveys that you kind of hate yourself for doing but have trouble saying “no” to. I mean, you don’t have to do a thing but click and Facebook does the rest for you. What’s 30 seconds in the light of eternity?

“How Much Of A Bitch Are You Really?” was the title. Gotta love marketers who come up with this stuff. They sure can get you to take some action.

My friend who shared it was apparently 29% bitch. And when I saw this, I happened to be in a place where I was being called a bitch, sort of – without that exact word uttered, by a friend.  So I thought, “Ok, let’s see what Facebook thinks about this.”

Well Good Lord. Looks like Facebook and my friend are in cahoots. I am, according to some freakish Facebook algorithm, a whopping 81% bitch.

Really? That’s a whole lotta bitch.

So this got me thinking, or on a bit of a squirrel chase.

Why do we choose to use this word?

I’m not saying that some women aren’t bitches. Oh God, some are royal bitches.

But when I read Facebook’s description of my 81% bitchness, I was surprised.

  • Everyone want to be friends with you.
  • You always get what you want because you go after it 100%.
  • No one messes with you.

Excuse me, but in my book, that is a “badass” not a bitch. And I only wish I would have gotten 110%.


Why this word, when we can use a much more positive word, like “badass” or:

  • agitator
  • rebel
  • dissident
  • fighter
  • frondeur (I swear I don’t know what this means even though I was an English major.)
  • renegade
  • sparkplug

(Ok -that last one is weird. And yes of course I went straight to the thesaurus and looked up “Badass”… how could I possibly resist? And who can I call about this, because that certainly raises my bitch ranking, don’t you think? )

Anyway, I know, I know… it’s just fun. Don’t be a stick in the mud, Michelle. Play well with others…

But those seemingly little things… calling strong women bitches…

Well for lack of time and patience with this, I’m going to get straight to it…

Fuck. That. Shit.

I’m not taking it on.

I’ll take “rebel.” I’ve always liked that one.

Or what the hell, call me “Sparkplug.” (Although it kind of makes me feel like I should be in the cast of The Outsiders next to Matt Dillon and Ralph Macchio.)

Let’s play our own game. What do you want to be called?

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